I’m in the middle of a war! The enemy is the voice in my head. The one that has been in control for far too long, steering me wherever it pleases as I cross my fingers and hope it’s the right destination. But how did this voice gain such power? The truth is, I always thought the voice was right. I figured it was my conscience talking or maybe my inner genius. So, I listened to the voice because I believed it had the answers. I let it run free during those ‘quiet’ moments in the shower, driving to work, or before falling asleep. And the voice had a lot to say. It always had an opinion, doubted any decision I made, and was quick to judge those around me. Before I knew it, the voice had become the de-facto answer to any question I had.
These internal conversations continued for years and with mixed results. I began to realize the danger of blindly listening to that voice in my head. It can argue both sides of a story with equal gusto, often confusing me further. It becomes obsessed easily, pushing me to over-analyze which rarely achieves anything beyond sleepless nights. And worst of all, the voice in my head never loses credibility despite giving me the wrong advice time and time again! The beautiful thing is that the voice is not in control, I am! I can choose to silence its rambling and if it won’t shut up, I can choose not to act. I can acknowledge it’s there without becoming its slave. On a good day, I can even marvel at how absurd some of its ideas are.
Like so many things in life, a valid pursuit left me completely lost. All I wanted was guidance when making the tough decisions. Sure, the voice gave me advice but the decisions weren’t turning out too well. My stress was high, happiness wavered, and self-doubt blossomed. Realizing that the voice isn’t always right has helped me regain my mental freedom, and oddly enough my confidence. Of course, I still struggle to make some tough decisions and sometimes the voice grabs the wheel. But more and more I remember the dangers of listening to a voice with a poor track record, and in those I moments I seem to make the best decisions. Coincidence? I don’t think so.